I wrote two letters of complaint recently. One recipient responded with a telephone call to talk things over. The other, my former doctor’s office, simply sent me a transfer of records form to fill out without even a cover letter. Without saying anything, the office had clearly conveyed its response to my complaint.
When mediating small claims cases, I hear repeatedly that one person has been trying to make contact to work out the problem and the other person has refused contact. It’s not until they are in the mediation room with me that they are able to talk things through finally. Often relationships are repaired across the mediation table as they talk.
It is amazing how long things can fester if you let them, and how intense the emotions can become. The old saying, "Time heals all wounds," isn’t always true. The other day, I walked into a room to find an unpleasant surprise – someone I had cut ties with years ago was sitting there and I was obligated to be social with her. I was filled with an immediate rush of anger and hostility. I was still filled with rage for hours afterwards.
I don’t know if things would have been any different between us, or at least for me, if I had talked things through with her after our initial falling out. I do know that the level of anger I still have toward her took me completely by surprise. It didn’t matter that years had passed in which I had never thought about her. When faced with her again, I was faced with the same old unresolved anger.
It can feel easier in the short-term not to have an unpleasant discussion, to simply walk away and be done with it. However, for many people, walking away is not the same as being done with it. The anger continues.
In having the unpleasant discussion, there is always the possibility that things will go further awry and the relationship may become irretrievably broken. However, in walking away, you are also damaging the relationship. You may also be eating away at yourself. Let your voice be heard.