RESOLUTION

OK, so you’ve managed to get into a fight with someone. Well, maybe it’s the same argument that you have every day, but you’re just sick of it. Or maybe you’ve just had one big, awful fight. Someone could be giving the other one the silent treatment. Whatever it is, now you’re stuck in the conflict and you just can’t find a way out. Now, what do you do about it?

Try mediation. The mediator is a neutral third party in the conversation and can help you through the difficult parts.

1. It’s not counseling. Don’t get me wrong. I think counseling is great. I just realize that there are some out there with a knee-jerk reaction to it.

2. It’s not litigation. Haven’t you heard all the complaints about Americans being suit happy? Do you want to be one of THOSE people?

3. You are going to have to see the other person on a regular basis. Say, for example, that you and your neighbor argue over who owns a certain portion of the lawn between your houses. On the one hand, you want to protect your turf. On the other, you are going to have to see this person on a regular basis until one of you moves or dies. Maybe you should mediate before you litigate.

4. You are going to have an ongoing relationship with the other person. Litigation is an adversarial process. If you are going to divorce and are looking at co-parenting for years to come, an adversarial process may be the last thing you need. The same can be said for a battle with a co-worker. Sure, you can be cranky and bitter and hold that grudge forever, but in the end, who is all that anger really hurting? You.

5. You want to determine the outcome. Judges do a great job, but do you really want a third party who hardly knows you determining how you will raise your children?

6. You want to talk things through with the other person. As a lawyer, a lot of "client control" involves teaching the client not to talk. The lawyer is to do all the talking unless absolutely necessary (like at the trial when the client takes the stand). Litigation is like war. The lawyer is protecting your best interests and keeping you from saying anything that might come back later to bite you. However, you can feel stifled.

7. You think the emotional effect needs to be discussed as much as the financial effect. Law is a business. Much of it becomes a numbers game. Your feelings when your 50-year-old husband left you for his 25-year-old secretary, while relevant in your life, have no relevance in court in a no-fault divorce state and no impact on the amount due to you by law in those states. However, that doesn’t mean that they don’t impact you, or that you don’t want to talk about the impact.

8. Mediation is almost as confidential as a consultation with your lawyer. Few things in this world are that confidential.  However, you can talk freely about settlement options and not have to worry about it being used against you in court. 

9. The Post Office is doing it. You know the expression "going postal." If the Post Office thinks mediation is a good way to resolve disputes, you should listen. After all, they deal with "postal" people on a regular basis.

10. Mediators are nicer than lawyers. It’s not the lawyers’ fault. They are trained to see and expect the worst of everyone. If they didn’t see it, they wouldn’t do as good a job protecting you from it. Lawyers are also trained to be gladiators, fighting for their clients’ rights against all odds sometimes. Mediators are trained differently, and can often see the good in everyone.

So, keep your lawyer on the side for legal advice, and keep your therapist on the side to tend to your emotional needs, but try working through the conflict with a mediator. It could save your relationship.