Teens can be quite maddening. Even the best parents and stepparents can have moments where they want to scream, cry, rip their hair out, kill (or at least attack), and sometimes all at once. Teens experience the same range of emotions about their parents and stepparents.
I think that it is nature's way of getting all of us ready for the inevitable parting of ways. If teens weren't convinced that they could do everything better than their parents ever did, they might never want to leave the nest. And if they weren't so overconfident, contrary, and constantly testing boundaries, we parents and stepparents might not be so keen on the idea of them leaving the nest. As it is, by the time they reach age 18 and high school graduation, parents and teens alike have often decided it would be best for all involved to have some time apart.
That's all well and good from an intellectual standpoint, but how do you get through those challenging times?
Families First has some great programs available for parents.
The Community Diversion Program has an excellent program called R-Squared for teens coping with anger issues and/or substance abuse problems. R-Squared gives teens the opportunity to practice weighing the risks and rewards of their actions. There are weekly sessions and it's rolling admission, so your teen can start almost immediately. They have a sliding scale fee and scholarships available, so cost should not be an issue. http://www.communitydiversion.org/services.html
You can get through these years successfully. It just might take some work.